Chapter 3
Elie has been victim to a vast transition that has left him a mere fragment of his past identity. His horrific experiences have renowned his humanity and caused a destruction of his faith. He describes himself as a just a body absorbing the cruelty of the Holocaust as it is occurring, and has begun to lose basic human essence. We even are provided his experience of witnessing his father’s physically beating, and see Elie just stand by with a passive reaction. It is at this point I believe Elie has lost faith and will not be able to truly gain it back. Along side his loss of faith, Elie has virtually become dehumanized and has been stripped of major human elements.
- “My hand tightened its grip on my father. All I could think was not to lose him. Not to remain alone.” Page 30
- “I first wanted to see where they would send my father. Were he to have gone to the right, I would have run after him. The baton, once more, moved to the left. A weight lifted from my heart.” Page 32
- “Yes, I did see this, with my own eyes… children thrown into the flames. (Is it any wonder that ever since then, sleep tends to elude me?)” Page 32
- “My forehead was covered with cold sweat. Still, I told him that I could not believe human beings were being burned in our times; the world would never tolerate such crimes…” Page 33
- “‘Father,’ I said. ‘If that is true, then I don’t want to wait. I’ll run into the electrified barbed wire. That would be easier than a slow death in the flames.’” Page 33
- “For the first time, I felt anger rising within me. Why should I sanctify His name? The Almighty, the eternal and terrible Master of the Universe, chose to be silent. What was there to thank Him for?” Page 33
- “If I was going to kill myself this was the time. I gathered all that remained of my strength in order to break rank and throw myself onto the barbed wire. Deep down, I was saying good-bye to my father, to the whole universe, and, against my will, I found myself whispering the words: ‘Yisgadal, veyiskadash, shmey raba… May His name be exalted and sanctified..” Page 34
- “NEVER SHALL I FORGET that night, the first night in camp, that turned my life into one long night seven times sealed. Never shall I forget that smoke. Never shall I forget the small faces of the children whose bodies I saw transformed into smoke under a silent sky. Never shall I forget those flames that consumed my faith forever. Never shall I forget the nocturnal silence that deprived me for all eternity of the desire to live. Never shall I forget those moments that murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to ashes. Never shall I forget those things, even were I condemned to live as long as God Himself. Never.” Page 34
- “My head was buzzing; the same though surfacing over and over: not to lose my father.” Page 35
- “I too had become a different person. The student of Talmud, the child I was, had been consumed by the flames. All that was left was a shape that resembled me. My soul had been invaded—and devoured—by a black flame. So many events had taken place in just a few hours that I had completely lost all notion of time. When had we left our homes? And the ghetto? And the train? Only a week ago? One night? One single night? How long had we been standing in the freezing wind? One hour? A single hour? Sixty minutes? Surely it was a dream.” Page 37
- “Again, the waiting. I fell asleep standing up. I dreamed of a bed, of my mother’s hand on my face.” Page 38
- “I thanked God, in an improvised prayer, for having created mud in His infinite and wondrous universe.” Page 38
- “I stood petrified. What had happened to me? My father had just been struck, in front of me, and I had not even blinked. I had watched and kept silent. Only yesterday, I would have dug my nails into this criminal's flesh. Had I changed that much? So fast? Remorse began to gnaw at me. All I could think was: I shall never forgive them for this.” Page 39
- “I knew nothing about them… Since 1940, my mother had not received a single letter from them. But I lied: ‘Yes, my mother did hear from them. Reizel is fine. So are the children…’” Page 44